honey bunches of taint.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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