**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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