umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
