wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
