Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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