i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
