Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
