Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
