We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
