Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize