I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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