32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
