Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
