do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
