Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
