my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
