There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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