What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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