sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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