I want to have your abortion
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize