First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
