The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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