Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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