Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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