so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
