man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
