Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
