FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
