watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
