You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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