Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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