Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
