I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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