i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
