Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize