I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
