were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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