I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
