She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
