Sponge bath it is.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
ok first of all what the fuck
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
