Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
