My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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