I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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