He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
