so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
