so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize