Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
