; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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