Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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