STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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