Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
