Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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