i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize