but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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