So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
