I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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