ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
