I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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