i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
