so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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