For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
