Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
