I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
