oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize