nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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