I can't watch pbs sober anymore
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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