i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Vodka?
Forever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
