We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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