Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
