I wish my penis had an off switch
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
