So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
