my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
