Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
