Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize