I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
