I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
