i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
