I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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