Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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