Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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