i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
