Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
why is half of my head shaved?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
