Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
