4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
