i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
