I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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