hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
