You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
