Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
vagina is talking i cant
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
