I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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