why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
