I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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