I wish my penis had an off switch
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
