Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
