he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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