i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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