were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
