Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want to be your penis for a week.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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