All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
