He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
