Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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