I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
