I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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